This Post is About the Olympics. I mean Kate Middleton.

There hasn’t been a post on the site in a while.  All two of you that read the blog because we post a link on your Facebook wall must be concerned.  Personally, I blame Greg Brzozowski.  It’s his blog, where are the posts?  I mean the Olympics are on!

Now I don’t have much to talk about.  I love watching the Olympics as much as any American but this year’s games are just not up to par.  Maybe it’s just that it is hard to live up to Beijing’s drama, Phelps going for eight Gold medals and the chinese gymnast scandals were hot issues going into the games in 2008.  The “redeem team” was poised to show everyone their place in international basketball.  Usain Bolt shocked the world by strolling to a 100m victory.  This year, however, the drama just isn’t there.

There will always be cheating at the Olympics, but this year the scandal seems a little mild.  Teams losing on purpose to get a better spot in the finals? Sorry to ruin people’s perspectives but that kind of thing happens all the time.  My high school soccer team was forced to play the defending champion in the first round of the state playoffs because another team in our conference threw their final game.  It sucks but it happens.

The biggest off-the-court/field/track/whatever controversy in these games relate to a teenage girl’s hair(which is ridiculous by the way).  All the other story lines seem to be more of the same.  Phelps is adding more medals, Bolt is bolting and Team USA seems to be making chumps out of the “competition”.

No, the Olympics are not as good as they were in 2008.  But there is one saving grace. Yes, the entire reason for this post, and the only worthwhile thing to happen during the Olympics thus far, is the appearance of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.

You may know her as Kate Middleton.

Look at how royal she is.

I’m not here to dote on how beautiful she is or complain that I’m not Prince William, although I could very easily do that.  Instead the thing that struck me last night was how much of a mom her royal highness looked like.  In an Olympics that has been somewhat boring, the parents of the athletes seem to have stolen the show.  From the strange way that US gymnast Aly Raisman’s mom and dad squirmed to the overjoyed Bert Le Clos, it seems that Debbie Phelps is no longer the only parent gaining national attention.

But moving back to Middleton.  If you go back and watch Middleton and the way she handled watching the individual men’s gymnastic events you’ll see exactly what I mean.  She can’t watch. She covers her eyes, looks away and squirms just as much as the Raismans.  I never saw her bite her nails because that isn’t very duchess-like but I imagine she was wanting to.  She showed all the classic “mom watching child compete” symptoms.

Putting it simply, Middleton during these games has been the Queen meets the “Good Job, Good Effort” kid.  This is why we need a duchess.  We need someone politically unaffiliated to capture the hearts of citizens everywhere and be our “mom”.  Just imagine her royal highness in mom-jeans sporting the stars and stripes.  Eventually, every country would follow suit and the duchesses of each nation would be paramount to the succes of their athletes.  It would be a 30 for 30 a few decades from now.

Now that we’ve settled on that, we can go over the responsibilities of the Mamma Duchess.

1. Bring Capri Sun and orange slices- By far the most important of all her duties.  Athletes need to hydrate and have energy.  At times she may have to poke a hole in the Capri Sun as well.

2. Defend her “children”- The Olympics are supposed to be a time for peace and unity among nations but the mamma bear must protect the cub.  This includes any announcers, fans, fellow athletes, officials or judges.

3. Cheer like crazy or look away- There are two simple ways to win a medal at the olympics.  If you aren’t (A)cheering the loudest or (B)being the most nervous there is a 0% chance that your country is going to medal.  There are only two options. No in between.

4. Be adorable- There are many ways to accomplish this responsibility.  I’m not here to tell you how to do it, just do it.  If someone has to tell you how to be adorable you are not fit to be Mamma Duchess.

More rules will be added but these are by far the most important ones.  You may think I am crazy but as the games go on you will realize that you wish the US (or any country you may follow not named TeamGB) had their own Royal Duchess Mom as well.   Case and point:

A-Dorable.

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