Well… can’t say I ever thought I’d assemble the following letters into words which would be assembled into a sentence like that before but, this is a video of Sonny Weems learning Russian while Nenad Krstic eats Russian Papa Johns Pizza in a hot tub. Two NBA fall outs who are now playing for CSKA Moscow, Weems and Krstic are doing the impossible… working as athletes in a Papa Johns ad who aren’t Peyton Manning*. Anyway, let’s see how the overseas marketing campaigns compare to greenscreened Mile High with our traditional running diary breaking down this gift from the Internet.
*WE GET IT PEYTON! YOU LOVE SAVING PEOPLE MONEY ON CHAIN FOOD PIZZA! NOW CAN WE GET SOME NEW MATERIAL OTHER THAN THESE PAPA JOHNS ADS AND THAT BUICK COMMERCIAL, PLEASE!!! I miss the Mastercard days.
0:01 – There’s some sort of party going on with actual people and not just bears on unicycles in the CSKA Moscow locker room apparently with people wearing party hats and cheerleaders in kneepads. And of course, a see-through hot tub where Sonny Weems, who all before today I thought was still on the Raptors bench somewhere, and a hot Russian girl in a bikini, are relaxing. Weems is in his jersey and his Nike Hyperdunk 2012s, because when I go in a hot tub, I always wear my uniform and sneakers as well.
0:03 – Hot Russian girl is putting the moves on the American using the Rosetta Stone move from the Playbook, and Sonny, while not really catching on to whatever the heck she’s saying, understands the universal language of basketball groupies making moves.
0:06 – The language lesson/eventual hookup is interrupted by another man’s voice and hot Russian girl gives an annoyed turn towards the direction of the noise. When just to think she was this close to crossing off “get with a second round pick from the NBA Draft” off her list of basketball groupie-ing, she sees…
0:08 – Seven foot tall Nenad Krstic and his strange party hat enter the already small hot tub.
0:10 – Sonny does not look pleased by his teammates presence killing the mood**.
**This photo would be a great meme if people cared/knew who Sonny Weems was. Russia, if you want this one, you’ve got it!
0:11 – Krstic is completely oblivious to why the two are upset. After all, it’s a great party! He’s partying, in a hot tub, speaking Russian, and eating Papa John’s Pizza. Life can not get better for Nenad Krstic.
0:13 – Inflatable headwear and all, Krstic takes a bite of his delicious(?) pizza and starts fliritng on his own with the girl, answering whatever the heck she says in Russian. If we could get someone to translate this ad, that’d just be grand.
0:14 – Oh yeah, and there’s a guy in a gigantic Pizza costume in the background. Because Russia.
0:17 – Would you look at that! Even people trapped out in Siberia can’t escape the Papa John’s guy himself! Papa and his gassy pizza are in the house globally!
The moral of the commercial… If you eat Papa Johns Pizza in Russia, you can wear inflatable hats, party with second rate basketball players, and get turned down by women who speak another language from you, all thanks to mediocre pizza.
Thanks to The Baksetball Jones