The Daily Download – April 4, 2015: What the Hell is Stanozolol?

Hey guys, Jake again. You may recognize me from the last Daily Download that this site posted… a week ago. So, without further ado, this week’s Daily Download:

Havoc Comes to Austin

It finally happened. We knew it was coming, but where he would end up was the mystery. He turned down other offers to coach a power conference team in the past, most notably one from UCLA just one year ago. But eventually, it comes time to move on to bigger and better things. Shaka Smart is a Longhorn.

The move makes sense for a few reasons, not the least of which is the opportunity to coach at a school with near unlimited resources. It also appeared he had somewhat plateaued at VCU, as his Rams failed to reach the Round of 32 for two straight seasons. He is taking over a program at Texas that was all but stripped of its pulse after Rick Barnes had his way with it. Not unlike the situation that Longhorn Football dealt with last year, it was simply time to move on from the lifeless skeleton at the head of the program to make room for a guy with a proven track record of winning, good recruiting, and just overall ass kicking.

What the Hell is Stanozolol?

That’s what I asked myself a few seconds ago before I googled it and found out it was a synthetic anabolic steroid. It also happens to be the same synthetic anabolic steroid that got yer boi Ervin Santana suspended for a whopping 80 games to kick off the 2015 season for the Minnesota Twins. Pop quiz time: did Santana say a) “I am deeply apologetic for deliberately trying to enhance my performance by pumping my veins with horse steroids, and big ups to Phil Hughes for shooting it into my butt, because I have a hard time reaching that area on my own. It’s just really difficult to do it on my own, so I’m glad he was there to help” or b) something along the lines of this:

“I am frustrated that I can’t pinpoint how the substance in question entered my body. … What I can guarantee is I never knowingly took anything illegal to enhance my performance. That’s just not me, never has been and never will.”

Hint: it’s not option A, no matter how much I wish it was.

Other notable steroid users who allegedly (read: according to real facts) used Stanozolol: Rafael Palmeiro, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens. But Ervin Santana has no idea how it got into his system. Riiiiiiight.

Going Once… Going Twice…

A football signed by Jay Cutler received exactly zero bids at an auction for the Chosen Man’s Best Friend and Factor Felines fashion show and charity event last month. Yes, the Chosen Man’s Best Friend and Factor Felines fashion show and charity event. In fairness, a book about former University of Illinois coach Bruce Weber went for $120, so there was some stiff competition.

In honor of this hilarious situation, a compilation of Jay Cutler interceptions, because I care. Enjoy.

Happy Passover to my fellow tribesman. Isn’t there also some holiday with a big bunny on Sunday?


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